💔 God's Conditional Love¶
Estimated time to read: 10 minutes
Is God's love conditional?
Well, yes, but actually no.
Yes, it's conditional!¶
While divine love can be called perfect, infinite, enduring, and universal, it cannot correctly be characterized as unconditional. The word does not appear in the scriptures. On the other hand, many verses affirm that the higher levels of love the Father and the Son feel for each of us—and certain divine blessings stemming from that love— are conditional.
— Divine Love , Ensign February 2002, Elder Russel M Nelson
🤔
I can't explain why, but when LDS leaders use alliteration like that, it just gives me Facebook Boomer minion-meme vibes.
To be clear, Nelson in the quoted section seems to be focusing on the conditionality of love. I'm not making the argument that all blessings, salvation, prosperity etc should all be unconditional. While searching for material related to this topic, I encountered many passages describing God's blessings, or the effects of Christ's Atonement as being conditional. I don't see those notions as problematic as love being conditional.
Is that a problem?¶
Yes, that's a problem.
Conditional love teaches children that they are only worthy and deserving of love if they behave in ways that please the parents, not just for being themselves. They learn that their true self is wrong, bad, and undeserving of love. This affects their self-worth, their self-esteem, and their ability to create and maintain social connections.
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Parents who love their children unconditionally teach them that the world is safe. When parents reject their children through conditional love, it teaches them that the world is not safe and that they can expect rejection. These children then grow up believing that they will be abandoned and rejected.
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Similarly, they may be desperate for relationships to “prove” to themselves that they are wanted and loved, at least by someone. Desperate for belonging, love, and connection, they may use romantic relationships as stand-ins for the foundational love and support they never received as a child. Both of these are normal reactions to their experiences.
Kaytee Gillis, LCSW-BACS, The Lasting Harm of Conditional Parental Love, Psychology Today
(I didn't know this before- that long acronym means Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Board Approved Clinical Supervisor. I suppose it's an honorific prefix like PhD?)
Conditional love is that which is provided only when the child complies with the rules imposed by the parents; That is, it is an affection subject to good behavior. When the child ignores these rules, the parents withdraw their affection from him.
In fact, it is a fairly widespread psychological control tactic that leverages shame and guilt by withdrawing attention and affection to manipulate the behavior of children. Conditional love translates into: “I love you, but only if you are good and do what I say.”
Conditional love conveys to children the idea that they are only worthy and deserving of affection and attention when they behave as others want. It teaches them that something is wrong with their true self. Therefore, they learn that they cannot be themselves, which ends up affecting their self-esteem and their ability to create and maintain healthy social relationships.
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That “I love you if…” ends up translating into “I love myself if…”, so these people also end up valuing themselves for what they do and the achievements they achieve. They introject that conditional love from their parents and are not capable of loving themselves unconditionally.
Jennifer Delgado, The scars that parents’ conditional love leaves on their children, Psychology Spot
"yeah but those are just worldly views, philosophies of men, etc- they're not led by divine influence!" - some imagined strawman argument
True. To find those quotes, I literally just googled "parents conditional love", seeing how we're taught that God is our Heavenly Father.
But what other implications does this idea of conditional love carry?
A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.
Is this saying that "you should also love conditionally"?
As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love.
This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.
Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.
Boy, reading this with the context of conditional love does change things... for me, at least.
Jesus is straight up saying that Elohim's love for Jehovah is conditional, so that condition is being passed on to His mortal disciples on Earth.
Nelson's talk does outline more examples like this!
Anyone else teach this?¶
I haven't looked outside of Mormonism for an answer to that, but I can observe that this address from Elder Nelson is an easy target to wail on for teaching the idea that divine love is conditional. For what it's worth, Nelson isn't the only one to teach that.
There are many ways to describe and speak of divine love. One of the terms we hear often today is that God’s love is “unconditional.” While in one sense that is true, the descriptor unconditional appears nowhere in scripture. ... [T]he word unconditional can convey mistaken impressions about divine love, such as, God tolerates and excuses anything we do because His love is unconditional. . .
— "Abide in My Love", D. Todd Christofferson, General Conference October 2016
The Love of God Does Not Excuse Sin; Rather, It Offers Redemption.
Because God’s love is all-embracing, some speak of it as “unconditional,” and in their minds they may project that thought to mean that God’s blessings are “unconditional” and that salvation is “unconditional.” They are not.
— The Love of God, D. Todd Christofferson, General Conference October 2021
Call me a grouch if you think I deserve it, but I feel more inclined toward Christofferson's presentation of this idea- it feels more approachable. It feels like a charitable, patient clarification, rather than "you thought you were loved, but psych, you've gotta earn it first! Here's an alliteration to make that idea stick in your mind 😏"
Ooh, but there is a scriptural basis for the idea of disqualifying for God's love.
If you keep not my commandments, the love of the Father shall not continue with you, therefore you shall walk in darkness.
Sure, the exact word "unconditional" might not exist in the ancient Hebrew manuscripts. The semantic appearance sure made an appearance in modern scripture, though.
Maybe it's actually unconditional?¶
... all men are literally the children of Almighty God, that each of us is the spirit child of a Heavenly Father who loves us and by whom we are esteemed as one, who is as concerned and interested in the least of men as He is in the most seemingly righteous of men, who establishes and preserves laws which when lived produce blessings, which when broken result in sad consequences; but a God who, though He will not protect men from the effects of their own bad choices, unceasingly, unremittingly, unreservedly, unconditionally loves the individual.
— Without Prejudice, Without Bigotry, BYU Speech March 30, 1965, Marion D. Hanks
I testify that he assisted in the creation and management not only of this planet, but other worlds. His grasp is galactic, yet he noticed the widow casting in her mite. I am stunned at his perfect, unconditional love of all. Indeed, "I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me."
— "Jesus of Nazareth, Savior and King", General Conference April 1976, Neal A Maxwell
The one whose name this church bears has equal and unconditional love for each of his children—both those who know him and those who do not know him so well. Whatever your current situation, my sisters, he reaches out to you.
— "Come, Listen to a Prophet’s Voice", General Conference October 1978, Ruth H. Funk
I swear to shit, if any of you comment that this doesn't count because it's a woman speaking 🫠
The greatest example of love available to all of us is, of course, found in the scripture from John: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son.” (John 3:16.) By the greatest of all acts of love and by this supreme sacrifice, God set the pattern. He demonstrated to us that His love was unconditional and sufficient to encircle every person.
— We Serve That Which We Love, General Conference April 1981, Marvin J. Ashton
Godliness characterizes each of you who truly loves the Lord. You are constantly mindful of the Savior’s atonement and rejoice in His unconditional love.
— "These … Were Our Examples", General Conference, October 1991, Russell M. Nelson
hol up, now, my boy Rusty seems to have changed his mind
Explain to your family that they can turn to Heavenly Father when they need help learning to love one another. If they will pray with all their heart, they will be filled with his love and their ability to love others will grow.
Remind your family that Jesus’ love is unconditional. That means he loves us no matter what we do and say. Explain to your family that if they are to truly love one another as Jesus commanded them, they need to love each other in this same way. Have a family member read John 13:34.
— Family Home Evening Resource Book (1997), Lesson Seventeen, Love at Home
I am convinced that we can find, know, and experience the tender, unconditional love of Jesus of Nazareth as we serve Him by serving our fellowmen.
— The Living Water of Jesus Christ, BYU Speeches January 9, 2000, H. David Burton
I can teach my family the true meaning of the spirit of Christmas. Celebrating is not just about giving gifts or the food we have on our table but the true spirit of Christmas is the pure and unconditional love of Christ for us, our family and everyone.
[Christmas] is a special time of the year for me because it is when people celebrate and remember the symbol of Heavenly Father’s unconditional love for us by bringing His Only Begotten Son here upon the earth to be our Savior and Redeemer. It is also a symbol of Christ’s love for us all when He offered Himself to come and save all mankind from their sins.
— Christmas for you and me — appears to be part of a holiday "area presidency message" to the Philippines in 2013
One could argue these two aren't "prophetic", but I don't think there's any question about who is publishing and distributing this printout
God sees each of us through eyes of unconditional love, and He loves everyone—it doesn’t matter what they do, where they work, how much money they have, how educated they are or what they look like.
We need to do the same. We need to learn to see others as God sees them.
— Latter-day Saints Channel, Seeing Others Through God’s Eyes, 2016
In conclusion... Who knows? Could be either way.